Evernew Jokes Funny Jokes and Cute SMS

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse Dennis Miller Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a ...

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. Tom Clancy I never know what I think about something until I read what I’ve written on it. William Faulkner I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word. The word they didn’t change was on page 87. Steve Martin I have always been a ...

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. J. Paul Getty A man explained inflation to his wife thus: ‘When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you’re 42-42-42. There’s more of you, but you are not worth as much.’ Lord Barnett Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich ...

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn. Madonna All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others. Henry Youngman To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’. Rita Rudner This guy says, ‘I’m perfect for you, because I’m a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.’ I said, ‘Oh, a ...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason. Molly McGee Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. Mickey Rooney In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a ...

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonnette I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me. Henry Youngman It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry ...

To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. Janet Coleman The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong. Andy Rooney The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. George ...

It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him. Arthur C. Clarke Is man one of God’s blunders or is God one of man’s blunders? Friedrich Nietzsche God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Voltaire When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and ...

Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried. Mae West Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. Jimi Hendrix The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with. Marty Feldman How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars. Steve Martin If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. There’s no use ...

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Charlotte Whitton Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone. Lenny Bruce I love women. They’re the best thing ever created. If they want to be ...