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Funny Facts

Surgeons who listen to music during operations perform better than those who don't .

Greyhounds have the best eyesight of any breed of dog.

A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.

The chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery tickets is greater than your chances of winning.

40% of all indigestion remedies sold in the world are bought by Americans.

The heart of a mouse beats 650 times per minute!

There are more than 50,000 earthquakes throughout the world every year!

In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an "Honorary Harlem Globetrotter."!

90% of all restaurants fail during their first year of operation.

Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints!

The state sport of Maryland is Jousting.

An airplane mechanic invented Slinky while he was playing with engine parts and realized the possible secondary use for the springs.

The lense of the eye continues to grow throughout a person's life.

An eagle can attack, kill, and carry away an animal as large as a small deer.

Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.

Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.

The Queen Mary - the grandest vessel of her day - had many of her vital components made by car manufacturer Skoda!

The quills of a porcupine are soft when they are born.

More than 90% of shark attack victims survive.

Check your map! Virginia extends farther west than West Virginia.

The banana tree cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane as a precaution!

Contrary to popular beliefs, chocolate does not cause acne.

It's against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas!

About half of all Americans are on a diet on any given day.

Honey is the only food that will not spoil.

Warner Chappel Music owns the copyright to the song 'Happy Birthday'. They make over $1 million in royalties every year from the commercial use of the song.

One cubic foot of gold weighs more than 1,200 pounds!

One out of 20 people have an extra rib.

Giraffes are unable to cough.

It takes five minutes to execute someone in a gas chamber.

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

Just one in three consumers pays off his or her credit card bill every month.

Stannous fluoride, which is the cavity fighter found in toothpaste is made from recycled tin.

A group of frogs is called an army.

In the average lifetime a person will breath in about 44 pounds of dust.

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation!

Among older men, vanilla is the most erotic smell.

The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

When he was only 13, Johnny Depp lost his virginity to a girl slightly older than him.

The earth travels through space at 660,000 miles per hour.

Buttermilk does not contain any butter.

City dwellers have longer, thicker, denser nose hairs than country folks do.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

A small airplane can fly backwards.

A survey reported that 12% of Americans think that Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.

According to studies, men change their minds two to three times more often than women.

There are 206 bones in the human body!

No one knows how many people died during the sinking of the Titanic.

Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don't.

 

Funny Insults

You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.

You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change.

We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.

You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light.

You're like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on.

I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

Yo momma pussy so dry the crabs carry canteens.

Yo momma like a revolving door: Everyone gets a turn.

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.

You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.

When you get run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents.

Who wears your GOOD clothes?

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT!

You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.

Yo momma's so fat she wears a blue dress ands lays on the beach and peaple think shes a beached whale!

I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.

Yo momma like an ice cream cone: Everyone gets a lick.

Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap!

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

Have you been shopping lately?.........They are selling lives at the mall........you should get one

You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.

Yo momma's so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 mineuts.

Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?

I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.

You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you. We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.

Yo momma's so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washington's nose.

Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

It's men like you that make women gay.

You could make a fortune helping people loose weight, one look at you and they loose their appitite!

People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.

All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.

You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?

You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

 
 
 
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