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Bad convenience foods
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Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs ... 8. Meeter's Kraut
Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell
can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin
C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the
disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan
canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me
already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients
listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial
Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a
single serving of pork brains has 1,170 percent of our recommended daily cholesterol intake. All the more
ingenious, then, that the label on this product helpfully features a recipe for brains and scrambled eggs.
5. Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken (Sweet Sue Kitchens, Inc.): From its size (think growth-impaired Cornish
hen) to its overall appearance (it's stewed in a quivering mass of aspic goop), this product may change
forever your idea of what constitutes a chicken. Gives new meaning to the old line about meat "falling off
the bone." 4. Musk Life Savers (Nestle Confectionery): You may think musk is a scent, but over in
Australia, they think it's a candy flavor. A candy flavor that tastes disturbingly like raw meat, to be
precise. But what did you expect from a country where everyone happily consumes Vegemite?
3. Blind Robins
Smoked Ocean Herring (recently discontinued by Bar Food Products): Possibly the world's most bizarre
prepackaged tavern snack. Interestingly, the product's titular robin isn't actually blind, he's
blindfolded -- the better, presumably, to avoid looking at these heavily salted herring strips, which look
like giant slugs. 2. Kylmaenen Reindeer Pate` (Kylmaenen Oy): This Finnish canned good may not be
particulary tasty, but at least it answers the age-old question of why Rudolph was so eager for that safe,
steady job on Santa's sleigh team -- he didn't want to end up as a cracker spread. 1. Tengu Clam Jerky
(Tengu Co.): Nothing you've ever consumed can prepare you for the horror that is clam jerky. Still, this
product does score a sort of conceptual coup: If you're the sort who's always found raw clams too slimy
and gelatinous for your taste, these dried, shriveled mollusks will help you dislike clams on a whole new
level.
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