HOME > HaCkEd By Samim.s > How To Give Your Cat a
Pill
How To Give Your Cat a
Pill
How To Give Your Cat a Pill 1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows,
just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into
its mouth.2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but
hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its
mouth with right forefinger.4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse
to get new cat.)5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding
position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left
elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in -- quickly. Since your head is
down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.6. Leave cat
hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a
good cry.8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here, anyway?
Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming
position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?
" Open cat's mouth, take pill and ...
Ooooops!9. This isn't working, is it?
Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the
chaos.10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.11. Retrieve cat from
kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long
edge.13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)14. Roll
cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man -- or woman.15. Resume position 1. Rotate your
left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.16.
Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply
bandages to wounds (yours).18. Take two aspirins and lie down.
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