Mistakes on a resume
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HOME > Job/Office Jokes > Mistakes on a resume
|These are from actual
resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs. "I am extremely
loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability." "Qualifications: I
am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come
cheap." "I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and
I've been poor. I prefer being rich." "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I
have never quit a job." "Number of dependents: 40." "Marital Status: Often. Children: Various." RESUME
BLOOPERS "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous." "They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.
Couldn't work under those conditions." REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB: "Was met with a string of broken
promises and lies, as well as cockroaches." "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." "The
company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers." JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am
open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least
partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead
to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award." SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES: "Please call me after
5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." "My goal is
to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock
brokerage." "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant." PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Minor
allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep." PERSONAL INTERESTS: "Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."
SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING: "Education: College, August 1880-May 1984." "Work Experience:
Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse." "Develop and recommend an annual operating expense
fudget." "I'm a rabid typist." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
operation."
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