New Year Resolutions for Pets
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|15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal
poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head
does not belong in the refrigerator.11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.10.
Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to
understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell
the behinds.7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get
a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide
for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st:
Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage
collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...1. I will NOT
chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND
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