Night Before Christmas
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Night
Before Christmas For Readers in their 23rd Year of Schooling 'Twas the
nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our
place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously
suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose
folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings,
comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing
subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through
their cerebra. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial coverings, were about to
take slumbrous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the
grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from
my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof. Hastening to the
casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing the fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline aqueous
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself -- thus permitting my
incredulous optical sensor to peruse a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by an octet
of diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a miniscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and
nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With
his undulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than
patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted
labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen ... "Now Dasher, now
Dancer..." et al. -- guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which
structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot,
our distinguished visitant achieved -- with utmost celerity and via a downward leap -- entry by way of
the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from the oxidations of
carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I
attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth
receptacle. His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal
indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions and
nasal aptenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former
approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet
cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their
ambient hirsuite facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece whose gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse
about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it
was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of
impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. Without utterance and with dispatch, he
commenced filling the aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise extracted from his
aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he
executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory
organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith affected his egress by
renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his
conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered
quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the
seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately
prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic yuletides to the planetary
constituence, and to that self-same assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial
and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
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