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There was an old married couple that had happily...
There was an old married
couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was
caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always
wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly
every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't
help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear
of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she
tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if
he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued
to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one
Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas
pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's
innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish
grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her
flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then
gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her
husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing
the family meal. Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting.
This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to
the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on
the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even. About twenty minutes
later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes.
She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "honey, you were
right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you". "What do you mean?
" asked his
wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it
finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."
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