Twenty ways to confuse Santa Claus
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Santa Claus
|1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he
could stand to lose a few pounds.2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding
ticket.3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind
watering your plants.4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait
and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you
think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!6. Build
an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away
Santa."7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to
pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down
the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh
and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last
payment, and take off.10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says,
"For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in
a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just
been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return
to the scene of the crime."12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and
corrections.13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.14. Leave lots of
hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And
he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map
with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney.
Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like
a bear.17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill.18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over
your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've
been "trampled." Threaten to sue for personal injury.19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with
Easter eggs.20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood
ain't big enough for the both of us.
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