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You automatically double-knot everything you tie.
You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
You ...
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper ...
A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong.
“Nothing,” said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”
“Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years ...
The minister of the church was giving a Thanksgiving service.
A ragged man in the audience asked, “What is there to be thankful for?”
Surprised, the minister replied, “What is your name,sir?”
“Cause,” was the reply.
“Well Cause, you could be thankful for your healthy body…”
“I’m blind and I have lung cancer”
“…or your family…”
“I don’t have a family”
“…or your ...
Q: What’s a turkey’s favorite song?
A: “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”
...
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught” and refuse ...
10. You’re sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.
9. The turkey never suffers from modesty.
8. You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.
7. You are expected to pass the dishes around.
6. There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.
5. They give you the day ...
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I ...
Last year I had my chance to do the traditional thing of shooting my own turkey for Thanksgiving . . . you should have seen the people scatter in the meat department.
...
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned — the dark meat and white, but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the ...